Iconic Canadian author and Nobel prize winning writer Alice Munro's daughter announced in July this year that she was sexually abused by her stepfather and even after knowing about it, her mother did nothing. She stayed away from him for a few months but later returned back to her husband and resumed normal life.

Munro's daughter Andrea Skinner wrote about the issue in the Canadian daily Toronto Star after her mother's death. Her step-father Gerald Fremlin abused her from 1976 on when she was only 9 years old. She was visiting her mother who was away at that time and Fremlin "climbed into the bed where I was sleeping and sexually assaulted me."

Skinner wrote that the abuse continued for years. She told her own stepmother, who told her father James Munro but he did not confront his ex-wife about the abuse, and the assault continued with no one basically doing anything about it.

"The abuse, and the heavy secret and silence she was forced to keep, took a drastic toll on Skinner, who developed debilitating migraines and bulimia as an adult. When she was 25, she wrote a letter to Munro, finally coming forward about the abuse."

When Munro learnt about it, she was sorrier about herself than concerned about her daughter's abuse. This response devastated Skinner. When family members came to know of her abuse, her step father wrote a letter to all family members blaming the 9 year old girl for it.

"He blamed Skinner for the abuse and described the child as a "home wrecker." He also threatened to expose photos he took of Skinner when she was a girl."

After a brief separation, Munro went back to Fremlin and stayed with him until his death in 2013. Munro allegedly said "that she had been 'told too late,' she loved him too much, and that our misogynistic culture was to blame if I expected her to deny her own needs, sacrifice for her children, and make up for the failings of men. She was adamant that whatever had happened was between me and my stepfather. It had nothing to do with her," Skinner wrote.

Fremlin was eventually charged with indecent assault against her and he pleaded guilty in a 2005 trial with a suspended sentence. Alice Munro remained loyal to her daughter's abuser.

Skinner says she never reconciled with her mother, but has since rebuilt a relationship with her siblings.

Why this incident is important

The above incident is important for Bangladeshis as a lesson learning for several reasons. One, it shows that sexual abuse happens most often at home and not by strangers. Two, it happens in all socio-economic classes and none are above it. Three, the silence around sexual abuse of children is enormous and everyone wants to be silent. Four, adults will tolerate it if it serves their interest no matter if they are the parents of the abused child. Finally, it's in every way a terrible scar on the child from which recovery is usually very difficult, often impossible.

In case of Skinner, her biological mother and father both tolerated and accepted her abuse ultimately and this shows that adults often don't stand up for the child. In many senses, when the abuser is a close family member as in this case, parents often remain silent contrary to expectation. In some cases parents themselves are abusers as was this case.

Abuse is also of many kinds. In this case, it was one of pedophilia, where adults have sex with children under puberty. But most cases are not with very under aged children but children under eighteen.

Girls are more abused but the silence over sexual abuse of boys is very damaging too though millions of boys are abused. All children are abused and not just girls. Usually boys fare better as they age as they grow physically stronger so the chances of a 16 year old physically forced to have sex are fewer but girls are more vulnerable this way. However, young boys when abused are often not believed or :abuse is considered part of growing up.

What can be done?

Much can be done in terms of awareness, education and action but the first thing is the recognition that sexual abuse is a reality, happens in Bangladesh and in every class and group and people do remain silent when it happens making the child a victim of both sexual and social abuse.

Nobody has to put up with it and nobody needs to. all one needs is top know how to keep children safe from sexual abuse at home and social spaces.

For more information on child sexual abuse please visit the site

https://breakingthesilencebd.org