Bangladeshis live in denial about sexuality. Perhaps more than that, they assume it simply doesn't exist. And when it comes to their children, they think all are permanently pre-sexual. Often, it ends up in a serious situation in which children or even young pre-adults are hurt, physically and mentally.

One needs to recognize that children even those nearing puberty are or were always sexually mature and often decide to do stuff that is dangerous for them. This has been documented by many before including myself. So it's best to educate them about sexual safety rather than condemn or abuse. Otherwise, the cost may be worse than we can think. And when being slut shamed on Facebook is added to it all, we really feel it becomes serious as the recent case of the 11 year old girl from Mohammadpur shows.

What is worse is that the focus of all abuse is a 11 year old girl -obviously a child and not the 20+ years old man who is far more responsible for it all. We have let the man escape while we crucify the child. It shows how ugly our collective face may look like.

Between sexual and mental maturity

"Median age at menarche was 13.17 (13.15-13.19) years, with 2.15 years of timespan from B2 to menarche. Girls in rural Bangladesh progressed through puberty following a well-documented sequence of sexual maturation stages. which could help inform future studies and interventions to preserve or improve early adolescent health and development. "Characterization of pubertal development of girls in rural Bangladesh." Jinhee Hur and others. Editor: Mahfuzar Rahman.

What the above means is that by the age of 13, girls are ready to procreate or become mothers. However, in the current scenario, pre-puberty girls are exposed to both sexual and romantic content on various media including social media. Children globally are becoming sexually active much early.

This trend however was always there and our research before social media explosion began shows that sexual abuse happens irrespective of social media. Adults taking sexual advantage of children has always been high and is now.

This is no secret to the people of Bangladesh particularly in the rural areas where families are more aware of such situations and also have to deal with two issues, sexual abuse by elders of both boys and girls and early or childhood marriage for girls.

Even the Government in its more honest moments admits that its child marriage campaign has mostly failed. The entire mechanism of the state even after investing millions has failed to prevent it. That should give us an idea about how futile it is to try to influence society. By running advocacy and legal campaigns, very little can be achieved. It's about adjusting to changing dynamics of society.

it's more important to accept the changing reality and plan realistic interventions , not go off the ladder thinking how bad society has become compared to an imagined past. In other words, we are collectively in denial about the state and status of under aged children getting involved in sexual relations. And we are not ready to face the issue and even framework the reality. We just like to abuse on social media as the event if the girls elopement shows.

Reality checks missing

The kind of shaming the girl and her family has been facing is incredible. And dear old social media which spreads such news like the proverbial wildfire hasn't let us down. Just about everyone knows about it and just about everyone has condemned her, her family and good old smart phone , the most convenient scapegoat of them all.

What is also interesting is that the male /man who she eloped with has not been trashed at all. He has conveniently escaped or been let off from the judgment circus because he is a male. In fact, since the girl is under 18, he is guilty of statutory rape. But public opinion is all about how bad the family and the girl are.

A changing society

Like it or not, as a person involved in sexual safety issues of children, all our work shows that many new factors have emerged that put particularly vulnerable female /girl children under threat. Child prostitution and child marriage have both risen, as have overall sexual promiscuity including among adults.

We don't have to endorse it but people are more sexually active then before, male and female and of all ages. The kind of sexual world we think existed was a product of its time and today's world has produced a new landscape as well. Every era is different from the past but what doesn't change is the responsibility to make the world safer for children including their sexuality.